Homer Simpsons Christmas Vacation
by Narfy
Summary: Final Chapter up. A tree almost as big as the living room, Christmas lights that can be seen from Shelbyville, and of course the relatives that have taken up residence. This is the story of how Homer Simpson lost his sanity in less than two weeks.
1. Stealing Christmas

A/N: Hello everyone, I've wanted to write a Simpson's story for quite a while and after watching National Lampoons Christmas Vacation I knew I had to try it out Simpson's style. Some of the story has been changed to make it more interesting and not seem like plagiarism, and to protect the innocent. So I hope you enjoy this story.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own the Simpson's or Christmas Vacation.

* * *

It was a lonely stretch of highway that few often used just outside Springfield. Few cars traveled it, mainly trucks and a few crazy hillbillies that liked to play chicken or tailgate from time to time. For many minutes to hours at a time, the road was silent and nearby mooing of cows could be heard off in the fields on the side of the road. But no one really cared about that.

They were more concerned about their Christmas trees, every year one would disappear after some inconsiderate jerkass would steal away with it behind their backs. And that is exactly what Homer Simpson and his family were doing. Well Homer was any way, his wife and kids thought they were going somewhere fun, or that's what Homer told them.

"So where exactly are we going Homer?" asked Bart in his usual bratty tone.

"Well I was going to save that as a surprise once we got there but since you all won't stop questioning me about it…." Said Homer.

"We haven't questioned you, Bart was the first to ask, I just thought we were going to Ogdenville outlet mall for Christmas shopping," interrupted Marge.

"And I just thought we were going for a drive," said Lisa.

"Well you're both way off, how many of you guys are bored by our artificial tree?" asked Homer.

Only Bart raised his hand mostly because he thought everyone else would do so as well but once he saw that Marge, Lisa, and even Maggie were both silent, he put it down.

"I like the artificial tree, my grandmother owned it before passing it on to my mom and then to me. I think it looks very nice and full in our living room," said Marge.

"Well too late because I threw it away," said Homer

"Homer! How could you? It's been in the family for years," said Marge.

"Oh you'll get over it once you find out how much fun it is to head out into the forest and cut one down yourself," said Homer as he pulled into a small parking lot.

Marge murmured her disappointment knowing that her argument with her husband was useless now that he had crazy hair brained idea. And with luck, the artificial one would still be in the trash since garbage pickup wasn't until Wednesday.

Homer parked the car in the lonely lot, no one was around and in front of him was miles and miles of trees that were ripe for the picking. He could not wait to trudge through the snow with his family.

"Dad do you think its okay to cut down trees here?" asked Lisa in her own skeptical way.

"Of course it is honey, I don't see any sign that says we can't, so lets go find our tree," said Homer who quickly led the way toward the trees. Everyone else trudged begrudgingly behind him hoping that this family outing would be finished quickly.

Of course there was a sign too, but at the moment it had been covered by snow from the last snowstorm and an important message was scrawled upon it.

**No Trespassing**

**Violators will be chased by hounds**

**And then chewed on by hounds**

**If violators survive we have no choice **

**But to shoot you**

As they made their way toward the trees, Bart was the first to sight one that he felt was perfect for the family, he ran forward until he was a few feet away and gazed in awe as the huge sight before him.

"How about this one Dad?" asked Bart.

Homer looked up at it, for a moment, he thought it would be perfect too, until he noticed that the other side didn't look as nice.

"Afraid not son, this one looks nice but it has deceived us, see the backside is all scraggly," said Homer.

"Then we could just put that side against the wall," said Marge.

"No I want it to be perfect," said Homer.

And that was that, there was no more arguing as they headed into the trees. Many times the kids tried to pick the ones that they liked but every time, Homer would say that it was either too small or too ugly to be put in the living room. Finally just when Marge was about to say she was ready to go home and find the families artificial one, Homer found it.

It had to be at least eight feet tall and four feet wide. It was a monstrous beast that would probably take days just to chop down but to Homer that was not a problem, he had his family there to help.

"It looks like it will take up the whole living room," said Marge in a distressed sounding voice.

"Oh that's because we are outdoors, everything looks bigger outdoors Marge. This is the tree, the tree that has the spirit of Christmas written all over it. It is the season to be thankful and glad that God has provided us with this beautiful tree," said Homer.

"I think God's just mocking you," said Lisa with a sigh.

Homer gave a grunt of disgust at Lisa before turning to Bart. "Now Bart hand me my hacksaw," he said.

"What hacksaw?" asked Bart as he fumbled around his coat pockets.

"You know the one that's always hanging in the garage and I told you to bring it with us for the trip," said Homer.

"Uh Dad, I think its still hanging in the garage because you never told me to grab it," said Bart.

A very loud and frustrated "D'oh" soon echoed across the valley.

Four hours later the family was trudging through the snow with an uprooted Christmas tree behind them. How they would get it on top of the car no one knew and no one argued not with Homer being the grouch that he was now, but who could blame him. He had to dig up the whole tree and now his hands were covered in dirt, pine needles, and possibly blood but no one was really sure, it's hard to tell when your hands are mostly covered in dirt and pine needles.

They were halfway to their car when Lisa heard the sound she had been dreading all afternoon, the barking of angry hounds. She turned around and saw four of them heading their way, drool dripping out of their mouths and teeth that were sharper than her own hair.

"Dad I think we need to run!" said Lisa as she ran ahead.

Homer turned around and saw the dogs, letting out his quick trademark scream he ran as fast as he could still pulling the tree behind him while his family made for the car. Homer tried to move fast, but the tree was holding him down and he knew there was only one way to save his skin just as the dogs leapt into the air.

"Eat cold wieners you ugly mutts!" said Homer and threw a five foot long sausage link that he hid in his coat pocket.

The dogs instantly stopped what they were doing and began to devour their new meal happily. Homer wiped his hands with a satisfied smirk and continued on his way.

"Where did you get the sausages?" asked Marge when Homer got to the car.

"The fridge, I always bring a link with me in case I get hungry," said Homer as he tied on the tree.

"Gee you remember to bring food for yourself and that amazing gut but don't remember a stupid hacksaw," said Bart in a sarcastic tone.

"What your mouth boy," said Homer.

It was dark by the time they got home and the family was ready for a nice warm meal in front of the TV, but Homer had other plans, it was time to trim the tree. He came out of the garage with a hockey mask and chainsaw ready to give that tree a nice trimming which he had planned to do six hours earlier. He revved up the chainsaw when his annoying neighbor Ned Flanders showed up.

"Hidely ho Simpson, looks like you got yourself a big Christmas tree," said Flanders.

Homer only rolled his eyes and was about to rev up the machine again when Flanders interrupted him again.

"Where do you plan on sticking it, it's so darn big," said Flanders.

"Bend over and I'll show ya," said Homer without a beat.

"Oh I'm afraid I can't, hurt my back today setting up decorations for the Christmas Light contest, and I know your kid is probably hiding somewhere ready to pelt me in my bottom with a snowball," said Flanders keeping that same smile he always had as he talked.

"Well isn't that sad," said Homer as he was about to start the chainsaw when he remembered what Flanders had just said. "Christmas Light Contest?"

"Yeah didn't you get the flyer, the neighborhood is having a Christmas light contest. Whoever has the best Christmas lights on their house wins five thousand dollars and a trip to Hawaii, runner up is not bad either, they win one thousand dollars plus a trip to London," said Flanders.

Homer gave a deep sigh thinking about all that money he could win. He had been hoping to get a pool for the family in the backyard with his Christmas bonus from work this year and if he won more money he could make one that had a deep end that no one could touch the bottom of.

"Well I'm gonna take up that offer, and I will put up Christmas lights so grand they could be seen all the way to Shelbyville," said Homer.

"Well then good luck with that, I think I'll turn mine on now to see how they turned out," said Flanders who walked away.

Homer stood there for a moment to wait for the lights to come on and when they did, he was amazed by how Flanders had used some great decorations. Colored lights covered the gutters and trees; a big giant star stood on top of the roof, and out on the lawn stood a wooden manger with baby Jesus holding a string of Christmas lights with Joseph and Mary. It was truly a lovely sight.

"So what do ya think Homer?" asked Flanders.

"Eh I've seen better," said Homer as he revved up the chainsaw and began to trim the tree.

"Yup I can see a better one in my head, I'll make my house so Christmas spirity that people in Shelbyville will think it's on fire," said Homer with a long and maniacal laugh.

About an hour later, Homer dragged the huge tree into the living room and set it up in the corner where the artificial one usually stood. Marge and the kids watched in annoyance as he straightened it up to the right position. It was definitely a lot bigger than Homer imagined, so far it seemed to take up half the living room and the top of it was scraping the ceiling

"Where are we going to put the angel?" asked Lisa.

"Oh it will fit up there, don't you worry," said Homer as he finally straightened it out.

The family looked at it, it was still wrapped around in string but it was already so big that when you first came into the living room you would have to have to squeeze through the entryway; this was going to be an interesting Christmas.

"Hrrrrmmmm I think you should have trimmed more of it down," said Marge.

"Oh stop being a pessimist Marge, it looks great and everyone will love it, now stand back as I cut this string off," said Homer.

"Oh I have a bad feeling about this," said Bart.

Homer ignored him and cut the cord. Before anyone could blink, the tree shot forward breaking an antique on the wall next to it and shattering part of the glass on the window. Everyone gasped in surprise at how fast it came out and with the fact that Homer was swallowed up by it.

For a moment there was a long silence as everyone wondered if Homer was still there.

"…Homey…?" asked Marge.

"Marge could you go get the pliers, I have a tree branch up my nose."

* * *

A/N: Okay there you guys go with the first chapter; I hope you all enjoyed that because I sure did. I will be updating this as often as I can since Christmas is a month away and I will be leaving for vacation shortly thereafter. I'm not sure how many chapters I will have but it might be a little less than ten. So please review and if you didn't like it, please do not flame because I will give you a nice stern lecture about how annoying flames are with no critiquing. A swift kick in the butt will also be in order as well. Well see you all real soon. 


	2. What a tangled web we weave

It was a few hours after the tree incident and Homer and Marge had settled into bed for the evening. Homer was busy reading a comic book he stole from Bart while Marge was reading the latest book on how to raise a better husband. While trying to get out of the tree, Homer had gotten a lot of sap in his hands so his fingers would stick to the pages while he turned the pages of the comic book. Hopefully Bart would not be missing the comic any time soon.

All day long now, Marge had had a guilty conscience burning up inside her, and she knew that if she told Homer about it, he would not like it. But it was better to tell him now than give him the nasty surprise when he answered the door tomorrow afternoon. Marge set down her book and looked at Homer.

"You know my sisters are getting new carpet for their apartment," said Marge.

"That's nice," said Homer, he hated talking about her sisters.

"And because of that the floor will be all sticky, they think it will take at least two weeks to finish," said Marge.

"Uh-huh," said Homer who was now way too engrossed in Radioactive Man's battle that he just was not listening.

"So I invited them to stay with us, my moms coming too, she misses me too much," said Marge.

"Uh-huh………………WHAT?" said Homer who now had figured it all out into his head and now looked at Marge with shock and anger.

"It's just for less than two weeks then you won't have to see them again until March," said Marge.

"But two weeks Marge, you know how bad this place will smell by the time they are gone?" asked Homer.

"Then I'll make them smoke outside," Marge said simply.

"I wasn't referring to that Marge," said Homer with a grumble.

"Well I have to deal with your Dad coming over every week," said Marge hoping that would end the argument.

"Well I'll only let him come once a month, once Christmas is over which reminds me, the home is fumigating for termites so he's coming over here for a few weeks," said Homer.

"There you go then, now we're even," said Marge who then set down her book on the nightstand and turned her back toward Homer. He was going to have to deal with Marge's family whether he liked it or not. Hopefully two weeks would go by fast.

* * *

The next day, Homer sat at his workstation drawing out plans for the extravagant decorations on his house. So far he thought that putting lights up from top to bottom would be perfect, a big sign with lighted letters on top of the roof that said "Merry Christmas, Santa Land Here!" also sounded like a winner. And to make things even more fun, one of those giant snow globes that blew its own snow inside set up on the front lawn. It was genius.

Of course Mr. Burns did not fail to miss that Homer was slacking off while watching him on the video monitor. So after a long time of glaring and wondering if Burns could drill a hole into Homer's skull just by staring at him, he decided to pay Homer a visit, with Smithers right behind him. They entered without Homer even noticing since he was still busy on the last finishing touches of his work.

"Simpson!" Mr. Burns yelled.

Homer screamed and sent his blue prints flying in all directions. Homer turned around and stared at his boss with a goofy grin.

"You're slacking off again aren't you?" asked Mr. Burns.

"Oh no sir, I was just trying to figure out who I needed to send Christmas cards to," Homer lied.

Mr. Burns grumbled under his breath, "You can do that at home, now get back to work," he said.

"Yes Mr. Burns. Oh and Mr. Burns thank you for the Christmas card you sent us, my wife and I are very flattered you remembered us," said Homer as he twiddled his fingers.

Mr. Burns lifted an eyebrow in confusion and turned to Smithers in hopes of an explanation.

"The company sent them out Sir," said Smithers.

"Oh, I must have a chat with them later about that, I don't remember approving that, in the meantime Simpson get back to work," said Mr. Burns with an angry growl and walked out.

"Yes sir and Merry Christmas to you too," said Homer sarcastically. He then turned back to his work station and grumbled under his breath. "You skinny old grinch."

* * *

Homer came home late that evening after spending a few hours at the local craft store picking up as much lights as he could find. He stumbled into the living room with eight bags full of Christmas lights and another two bags of the snow globe he wanted and do it yourself signs. He couldn't see anything in front of him so he just dumped the bags on the living room couch before going to look for Marge.

"Hey watch it," said a grumbly voice, no doubt Patty or Selma.

Homer turned to see that he had set the bags on top of Patty while Selma and Marge's Mom glared at him for not being kind enough and setting it just outside the door.

"Oh it's you two, and hi mom," said Homer. Marge's Mom grunted.

Homer rolled his eyes and walked away to find Marge in the kitchen cutting up carrots and trying to drown out Bart's complaint about sharing a room with his sister. Grampa was sitting alone at the table reading a newspaper while Maggie was making a mess with her juice. Lisa was no doubt making herself comfortable in Bart's room.

"You know what bullies do to kids like me who share rooms with their sisters?" asked Bart in a worried voice.

"No Bart," said Marge sounding slightly exhausted.

"They give them wedgies and dunk our heads down the toilet it's just not right," said Bart who now looked as if a bully would walk in at any moment.

"Bart its for only two weeks, you can handle it, Homer let my sisters and mom know that dinner will be ready in an hour and a half," said Marge.

"Sure honey and Bart come with me, I have a chore you need to help me with," said Homer.

Bart quickly followed Homer out of the kitchen, hopefully Homer would understand his predicament but before he could utter anything out of his mouth Homer threw five boxes of lights at him.

"Where do you want these?" asked Bart.

"We are going to bring them outside, its time to put up Christmas lights," said Homer with a grin on his face as he lead Bart outside.

"But its getting dark, are we really gonna put up lights this late?" asked Bart as he strained holding onto the boxes.

"We are starting on it, I want it all lit up by tomorrow night," said Homer as he dug for the ladder in the garage.

"There sure is a lot here," said Bart.

"Well that's because I haven't told you guys about the contest yet, first prize gets five thousand dollars and a trip to Hawaii, wouldn't you like to go to Hawaii boy?" asked Homer.

"Hells yes," said Bart.

"Good boy, now hold onto the ladder while I climb up," said Homer.

As Homer started climbing up, Bart remembered the one incident a few summers ago with the reshingling (sp?) where Homer played earthquake with him. He could not miss an opportunity like this for pay back.

"Uh oh Dad I think I feel an earthquake coming," he said and began to shake it.

But Bart had forgotten that he was much lighter than his father and the ladder only slightly shook. Homer still had to hold on though.

"Heh heh heh, you forgot that I'm too heavy for you," said Homer as he continued his way up.

Bart snapped his fingers and began to think of another devious plan to get back at him, at the moment he couldn't really think of anything, hopefully putting up Christmas lights would give him an idea.

Once Homer reached the top he motioned Bart to follow him. Bart did so with caution though, knowing that Homer would probably play a trick on him, but amazingly Homer didn't.

"Okay I'm gonna need you to hold the string of lights while I set them in, try not to unravel them," said Homer as he set about his work letting Bart bring the string out every few seconds.

By the time dinner was almost ready, Homer had half the front roof covered in lights and Bart knew that playing a trick on Homer should start soon. Bart looked around; there really wasn't anything to trick his father with until he noticed that Homer's foot was resting on one of the lights. Next to it was the chord to connect the other string Bart was hanging onto, it was impossible to resist.

Snickering to himself, Bart quietly knelt down and unhooked the lights. Making sure Homer was still off in his own little world; Bart grabbed the chord and yanked. A second later, Homer's foot slipped but it was not enough to bring him down. Homer looked up at Bart who was smiling devilishly and twirling both chords in his hands.

"Put it back Bart," said Homer nervously yet with anger in his voice.

"Make me," said Bart in a childish way.

Homer growled with rage and jumped up to strangle Bart, but Bart had other plans. A second later, Bart yanked the chord again right when Homer stepped on the string between two bulbs and tripped landing hard on his stomach and face.

"I'll get you for this boy," said Homer angrily.

Bart only laughed; the timing was perfect and right where Homer had to get back up was a slippery, icy spot it would take him forever to get out of it. Homer tried to lift himself up, but a second later he crashed back down, this time his whole body slid under the lights. Homer tried to grab on but they went with him. Soon Homer became a tangled mess and with a few strings of lights began to fall back down to earth. Homer closed his eyes and braced himself for the impact. Suddenly he stopped.

Homer opened his eyes to see that he was dangling by one single strand on his leg and his head just inches from the bushes below. Bart leaned down next to the gutters laughing.

"Hey Homer, how's it hanging?" he said with a chuckle.

"Oh when I get you boy….," said Homer shaking his fist.

Of course Homer hung right in front of the living room window causing quite a stir and sending everyone in the house outside to see what was going on.

"Homey are you okay?" asked Marge as she ran out.

"I'm fine Marge, just stuck," said Homer who was now trying his hardest to get loose.

"Just what we need this season, a piñata," said Patty.

"Doesn't look like the insides will taste very good though," said Selma who then lit a cigarette and began to smoke.

Homer only grumbled before finally unhooking himself and landing heavily into the pointy bushes below.

* * *

A/N: Yeah that chapter sucked, I'll try to make the next one better, if not then the next one, if not the next one then the next one and if not the next one then………….uh I don't know what to say about that. Well if you can, please review and let me know how I did, I hope to have Chapter 3 up by Tuesday or Wendsday. See you all later. 


	3. Bright lights, big electric bill

The next morning, Homer quickly went out to get his Christmas lights done before the day was over. He would do it alone this time; he didn't want Bart to mess anything up. Bart didn't mind though, Milhouse had invited Bart over to play a video game.

For a few hours Homer worked until he finished the entire roof, he still had to put lights around each window, corner and shrub around the house. Of course Homer needed a small break so he decided to go find the plastic Santa and his reindeer that he used for the top of the house a few years ago. He knew they were up in the attic somewhere so he headed up to search for them.

He had only been up there for about five minutes though when Patty came by to grab some cigarettes she left in Lisa's room. She had felt the chill from the attic as soon as she was halfway up the stairs. Noticing that the attic door was open and not thinking that any one was up there, she quickly closed it up and walked away.

Homer saw it happen and quickly panicked, he hated being up there all by himself, and to make things worse, it was really cold. Homer tried to open the door back up but it would not budge even while he hopped on it a few times. Yelling out for Marge did not help either.

Then he heard Marge's car start up, he ran over to the window to see the family running to the car so they could go to the mall for Christmas shopping. Homer yelled at everyone's name but they were all too busy arguing that they did not hear him. Homer grumbled under his breath as he watched the family drive off without him, leaving him in the attic to freeze.

Quickly Homer set about searching for the box full of old clothes to wear until everyone returned. He knew he should have left his coat on before going up there, but he thought that wandering around moving boxes and other junk would make him hot and sweaty, which of course it did after rummaging through the sixth box. He did find the lights he wanted while searching too and that same box also held something that could keep him occupied until someone came back to rescue him. Really old home movies.

So for a few hours he sat there with the old projector he forgot he had and reminisced his early years before being married. The oldest was one of him at the age of six running around in the corn field at the old farm house. His Mother, who had been on the run for years, was still in these videos and watching Homer act like the cute little kid he was. It made Homer miss those old days.

The youngest one was from two years before being married where he and Marge were spending some great time at the beach. Homer was trying to learn how to surf from Lenny, Carl was video taping, Marge was watching from the shore, and Barney well of course he was passed out drunk and being buried in the sand by some random kids.

Homer was really enjoying the video and just when he was about to watch himself finally hold himself up as he was surfing, the attic door opened. Homer was able to grab the edge at that one split second and hold on while the videos went crashing down onto the floor. He then heard a young boy scream in pain while another one yelled out in surprise. It was Bart.

"Dad? How long have you been up there?" asked Bart as he went up the steps and helped pull Homer upright. Milhouse was lying on the ground moaning covered in old home movies.

"Eh couple hours probably, someone closed it on me while I was looking for the Santa,"  
said Homer who didn't seem at all upset probably because he had felt so much better watching the home movies.

"Oh well since you were up there, do you know if some of my old toys are still stored away, Milhouse wants to see my old Transformer I had," said Bart.

"Optimus Prime, save me!" said Milhouse who was still buried under the home movies.

"Might be, but I need you two again to help me decorate," said Homer as he gathered the home movies and put them back in their original box.

"But Bart told me he doesn't trust him any more," said Milhouse as he corrected his glasses and tried to stand back up.

"We are not going on the roof again," said Homer trying hard not to think about last nights shenanigans.

Bart looked at Milhouse who looked back at Bart with questionable eyes. Both didn't seem like they wanted to hang out with Homer but both had nothing better to do after beating most of the game they had been playing in less than two hours.

"We'll inflate the snow globe," said Bart.

"Alright then, to the front door!" said Homer excitedly.

All three ran outside as fast as they could. Bart grabbed the deflated snow globe while Homer set about putting the Christmas lights all over the windows. Now that Bart and Milhouse were helping, things would hopefully get done a lot faster.

Of course though Bart and Milhouse picked the most difficult job, Bart spent twenty minutes trying to inflate the snow globe before making Milhouse do it. Milhouse had asthma so he only lasted ten minutes before fainting on the lawn only to regain consciences when the rest of the family came home and Lisa came over to investigate what was going on.

Now that Lisa was here, Homer gave her a job as well, he made her untangle the lights that were on the reindeer and put together "Merry Christmas from the Simpson Family" sign that he planned to put out on the lawn.

Lisa was not too happy about doing it but it was better than rubbing the corns off Aunt Patty or Selma who were both napping with Grampa in front of the TV. Getting away from any noise they made was definitely a relief.

It was late in the afternoon by the time Bart and Milhouse had the snow globe almost fully inflated. Both were exhausted but both could not wait to plug it in once everything was accomplished. Bart told Milhouse to blow up the rest of the globe while he ran in to get a camera and a few cookies to celebrate the fun thing they did. While Bart was gone though, Milhouse had an interesting accident.

Right when he was getting near the end, Milhouse blew the air in so hard that when he tried to pull his mouth away, it got sucked in instead. Milhouse tried to inhale in hopes of getting unstuck but instead got pulled in further until his mouth, nose, and his right ear got stuck in the tube. Bart arrived just in time to see him try to pull himself out.

Brmmmm! Muff, me!" Milhouse cried when he saw Bart coming toward him.

"Uh oh," said Bart who was now too afraid to do anything but back up and run back in the house while Milhouse tried everything to get unstuck. Luckily for him, Homer had just finished all the lights and was coming to investigate their process.

"Milhouse! What the hell?" asked Homer.

Mrrrfff, rrrfff, drrrffffff brrmmmm," said Milhouse trying to explain what was going on.

Homer scratched his head wondering what he was saying before deciding that it was best to get the kid out. By now Bart had the courage to run back out and see what was going on and found his father trying his darndest to get Milhouse unstuck. Finally Milhouse was free and for ten minutes he spent walking around trying to figure out if his lips were still in one piece.

"How did you guys inflate this?" asked Homer.

"The way we inflate anything with air, with our own breath," said Bart simply.

"You know there was an inflator in the bag right?" asked Homer who walked over to the bag of empty Christmas light boxes and rummaged around to find the inflator.

"You mean to tell us that there was an inflator we could have used the entire time, that the air we wasted could have been used for something more important like being underwater?" asked Bart who now seemed quite peeved by the whole situation.

Homer only nodded; glad to have gotten back at Bart for knocking him over the roof the night before. Bart grunted in frustration and ran back into the house with Milhouse; they both were not going to have any more part of the light decorating. Homer turned to Lisa who was putting some finishing touches on the sign.

"So how is your project coming?" asked Homer.

"Almost done Dad, I got the lights around each word and everything," said Lisa with a smile, she was glad to beat Bart at something that day.

Homer looked at Lisa's creation; each word was either red or green and little lights strung around each of them. They were actually twinkle lights too so whenever they twinkled it looked like they would be running from one letter to the other.

"It looks great sweetie, now run along while I set it up. Tell your mother I should be ready to turn this on soon," said Homer.

Lisa nodded and ran back in the house while at the same time, it began to snow.

An hour later, Homer called the family out to see his creation. Patty, Selma and Grandma Bovier were not particularly happy about being outside in their pajamas while snow fell and Grampa just wanted to go back inside and watch NBC News. Marge on the other hand was thrilled to see that her husband spent so much time to make the house look lovely.

"Now have you all heard about the contest?" asked Homer before starting the lights.

"No," said Grandma Bovier.

"Should we care?" asked Patty.

"You probably just win a weird gift certificate to a place that's not in town," said Selma.

Homer glared at his sisters-in-law before responding. "First prize gets five thousand dollars and a trip to Hawaii, second prize is one thousand dollars and a trip to London," he said with a smile.

"Oh Hawaii, that would be a nice winter vacation, relaxing on the beach, drinking pina coladas, and being away from it all," Marge said in a calm voice.

"Will there be older women?" asked Grampa with excitement.

"No Dad you have to stay home and baby sit Maggie," Homer said simply.

Grampa lowered his head and stared down at the newly fallen snow.

"Can you turn it on now, my feet are freezing and my head is getting God's dandruff," said Selma.

"Alright then, drum roll please kids," said Homer.

Bart and Milhouse began making drum roll sounds with their tongues while Lisa hit her knees and Maggie even tried with her pacifier but it still sounded like her sucking really fast. (A/N: Hmmm that sounds wrong)

Homer smiled and plugged the lights into the extension chord as everyone braced themselves ready to see the beautiful lights that now hung up on the Simpson's home. The chords connected and when the lights should have turned on, nothing happened.

"Hmmm well another Christmas wonder," said Patty.

"What the hell, I checked the lights too when I put them up," said Homer who unplugged and replugged again.

Everyone stood there in the snow wondering what the problem was until Marge suddenly figured it out.

"Oh I know what's wrong, the switch is off, unplug it Homey and I will be right back," said Marge who ran to the garage and flipped the outdoor switch.

Marge returned with a sheepish grin realizing how important that was. "Okay lets all forget the first time and do the drum roll again," she said.

The kids did their solo once more and Homer plugged the lights. For a brief moment everyone was stunned by the power of the lights as it turned on, the worst was Grampa who ran around in confusion. It glowed to as far as across the street and even melted the snowflakes that fell to the ground. Once their eyes adjusted, everyone noticed that the lights on the other houses were getting dimmer as all the electricity powered into one single home.

The night watchman at the Nuclear Power Plant stared in awe. While the lights dimmed around him.

"Dear Lord, the EPA is at it again, this time they are attacking at night while most of us are asleep and then they'll blow up the town. I told you it would happen again, repent sinners! Yaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh!" he cried as he ran over to one of the golf carts he dubbed "Dome escape mobile". (Na na na na na na)

"Can it Frank its just some dumbass using too many Christmas lights," said one of the power plant night employees as he upped the power grid.

Several miles away in the town of Shelbyville, a child watching the night sky noticed a disturbance and it was not from the force.

"Daddy, I think the Power Plant blew up?" he said.

The Father, who was a Shelbyville power plant employee looked out toward Springfield and grumbled. "Looks like they are trying to make their town brighter than us, well we'll see about that in the morning," he said with a maniacal laugh.

Back at 742 Evergreen Terrace, Homer was smiling at his work.

"Well our bill will certainly be big this month," said Marge.

"Can I go in now, I think I got enough tanning for one evening," said Selma.

"I need to go home too before mom wonders if I blew up or something," said Milhouse.

"Yeah can I walk Milhouse home?" asked Bart.

"Go ahead son, what about you Lisa what do you think?" asked Homer.

"I think Astronomers will be very disappointed for the rest of the month," said Lisa.

"Oh that's your answer for everything," said Homer with a grumble.

Homer was about to walk back in the house with everyone else when Marge grabbed him by the collar and kissed him on the cheek.

"You did well, it just surprised us that's all, hopefully they will be dimmer in a few weeks so the judges can see it better," said Marge.

"Yeah, I'm glad you have faith in me Marge," said Homer with a sheepish grin.

"Now lets go inside, I'm making meatloaf," said Marge.

"Mmmmm…..meatloaf," said Homer happily.

"Well I think its radical Mr. S," said a voice behind him.

Homer turned around at the sound of the voice he had not heard in years. There before him stood an old RV and coming out of the RV were two very young kids and man in his early twenties still looking the same as he had those years ago when he rented a room in the house.

"Roy?!" Gasped Homer.

"The one and only," said the man.

And with that, Homer fainted with surprise.

* * *

A/N: See I told you I would update fast. Man I got to stop doing things to Homer at the end of the chapter. But yeah you all remember Roy right? From The Itchy, and Scratchy and Poochie show. Yeah you'll see why he's around in the next chapter. I hope you enjoyed this one I had a lot of fun writing about how bright the house was. Please review when you can, I hope to have the next chapter up very soon. 


	4. It's Roy

A/N: Okay so this chapter will be a little more serious than the others, and if it sucks I apologize. It's the only idea I could think of as to why Roy is here with two kids. If you can think of anything better, then…….I really don't know what to tell you. But try to enjoy it; I'll make it up for you in the next chapter.

* * *

"Woah Mr. S, you okay?" Roy asked as Homer opened his eyes after falling into the snow.

Homer looked at the young man he once let stay at his house for a few months. He still looked the same but his clothes were getting ratty and his face did look like he had gone through some problems over time.

"What are you doing here Roy?" asked Homer.

Roy helped Homer up and gave him a big hug before responding.

"I need to talk to you and your wife for a few minutes, I hope you don't mind," said Roy.

"No I don't, and who are these kids?" asked Homer as he looked over at the two little kids who were both holding teddy bears; the youngest had to have been at least three.

"That's what I want to talk to you about," said Roy as Homer led all three of them into the house.

When they entered Marge saw Roy and the kids and instantly ran over to give the young man she once knew a big hug, Roy returned the favor and looked up at Marge. Even though he was wearing those trademark sunglasses, Marge could somehow see that he was upset.

"What's wrong Roy?" asked Marge.

"Do you mind if we talk in the living room privately?" asked Roy.

Marge shook her head and led him into the living room while Homer led the two kids over to the group that was hanging out in the TV room, hopefully they would be fine there for a few minutes. Homer returned to Roy and Marge ready to hear what was going on.

"You remember why you let me stay at your place last time right?" asked Roy.

"Oh yes, because your girlfriend said she didn't want to have anything to do with you, I found you standing there all alone at the Kwik-E-Mart wondering whether or not to buy some beer or ice cream to make yourself feel better," said Marge.

"Yup and she did it again, this time making me take care of the kids, the oldest one is not even mine," said Roy as he took off his hat and scratched his head.

"But you still love him like he is yours right?" asked Marge.

"Of course, especially after living with you guys last time, I learned that children are fun to be with, its just that I'm not sure what to do if she wants me to come crawling back to her, since this is the second time," said Roy.

"Hmmmm, that is a hard concept seeing you both had a daughter out of it," said Marge.

"Yeah, and the real reason she doesn't want me around this time is because I lost my job and have no way to support her, so she thinks I'm not motivated enough to find a job and stick with it,' said Roy.

Homer stared sadly at Roy, the poor kid was down on his luck and on Christmas, it was impossible not to help him yet he felt he should also help him get the job he needed, Roy was tough and he knew how to make things work when they had to. That's when Homer got an idea.

"How would you like it if I brought you to the Power Plant after Christmas and helped you apply for a job there?" asked Homer.

"That would be awesome Mr. S, but do you think I could be qualified?" asked Roy.

"You could be night watchman or you could work in Sector C making sure the reactor is fully powered," said Marge.

Roy thought for a moment, any job for him would work right now as long as he was qualified for it; he never finished college, only two years of it before giving up and finding a job he liked before getting fired from it only a week ago. Hopefully that would win his girlfriend back. If not he could at least try and keep the kids and move on. Of course if the Power Plant did not work, he could always try going back to school to get a degree in writing, maybe write for TV sitcoms.

"I will do it then, and I hope you don't mind if I crash the RV out front, it's actually a friend of mines who's in Europe for the holidays," said Roy.

"No not at all Roy and if you need to stay warm in here, our basement still has that nice rollaway bed you always enjoyed sleeping on," said Marge.

"Thanks Mrs. S," said Roy as he followed Homer and Marge back into the TV room where his two kids were playing with Maggie and Lisa.

The oldest was six and named Ricky, the youngest was three and her name was Samantha but everyone called her Sammy. Ricky and Sammy were both very quiet as they watched Lisa show Maggie how to spell out "ambidextrous" with the building blocks. They were still wondering what was going on and why they were staying in an RV for Christmas but as long as Roy was around they did not really mind.

Everyone was about to sit down together in the living room when Bart arrived home after dropping off Milhouse. He saw the RV parked out front making him wondering who in the family had an RV and was coming over this time. When he entered, he saw the kids first; he had never seen them before so it made him wonder if a long lost relative came over for the holidays. That is until he saw Roy.

"Roy!" said Bart excitedly. He always liked Roy's way of chilling around and acting cool.

"Hey Bartman, how's it going?" asked Roy as he and Bart shook hands. Roy's current state of unhappiness quickly tossed away as he saw the kids.

"Crazy man crazy," said Bart with excitement.

"I'm gonna be crashing here for a while you think you can keep the kids entertained?" asked Roy.

"I bet I can, Lisa can too probably," said Bart.

"Awesome!" said Roy.

Marge put her hand on Roy's shoulder before getting everyone's attention.

"Well now that Roy is here, perhaps some grocery shopping is in order," said Marge.

Homer knew that this was a good time to please Marge some more and to get away from Marge's sisters for a few hours once again, even though he had not spent all day with them he still felt annoyed by their presence.

"I can go Marge, Bart can come along and so can Roy," said Homer.

"Oh Homey that would be so sweet, here's a grocery list then. Remember to get 2 milk not whole, you know how Patty swells up every time she drinks whole," said Marge.

"Yeah I know," said Homer who then motioned for Bart and Roy to follow him. Ricky also decided to come along. Sammy wanted to stay behind and play with Maggie and Lisa who were both content staying in the living room with everyone else.

* * *

They arrived at the Try-N-Save to get some quick shopping done; Bart had already made great friends with Ricky along the way and was happy to take him to the toy aisle where he could create some mischief with him.

"So Dad you mind if I take Ricky to the toy aisle?" asked Bart.

"Sure son, just don't ask for anything Christmas is almost one week away and some of those things are probably on Santa's list," said Homer.

Bart saluted Homer and ran off with Ricky while Roy yelled that Ricky should behave for Bart.

The two arrived at the toy aisle, Bart looking around for something fun to try out while Ricky followed closely behind unsure of what Bart would be up to.

"So what do you like to play with Ricky?" asked Bart.

"I like cars, and those pirate action figures," said Ricky as he pointed to the matchbox cars and some really cool swashbuckling action figures.

"Eh those things you can't take out while you're in here, come on I'll show you something really fun we could do," said Bart was he gave a mischievous laugh. Ricky looked at him nervously; hopefully they would not get into too much trouble.

Bart soon reached the aisle that had everything from stuffed animals to bouncy balls that could be played with all over the store. Bart quickly ran over to a box full of pool noodles and grabbed one out. He pointed it at Ricky with a devilish grin.

"En guarde!" Bart said.

Ricky knew what Bart wanted to do now and grabbed a pool noodle for himself. "You have destroyed my lawn ornaments, you should pay for that horrible crime," he said while laughing.

Bart whipped up the noodle and hit Ricky in the head, Ricky only laughed.

"You call that a strike, I barely felt it you sissy," said Ricky who poked Bart in the chest with the noodle.

Bart growled and poked Ricky as hard as he could in the stomach while Ricky began hitting Bart on the head with the noodle. It was great fun and it caused all the kids who were also wandering around the toy aisle to see what the commotion was about. They all laughed at Ricky tried to trick Bart with a stuffed tiger, telling him that the tiger was going to eat everyone. Bart turned and looked at the tiger and Ricky grabbed him by the neck sending Bart flying toward some family games. Bart hit the shelf sending boxes on top of him while Ricky just laughed.

"Now I have the advantage," said Ricky as he pointed the noodle at Bart.

Bart reached for his noodle but it was no longer in his hand, instead it was a few feet away next to a big tower filled with bouncy balls.

"Oh hi Dad!" said Bart excitedly.

Ricky fell for it and turned around thinking that Homer and Roy were standing behind him. Bart dove past Ricky and slid toward the tower. The slide had been timed too late and he slammed straight into the tower making it rock back and forth. Bart grabbed the noodle and moved out of the way before the whole tower collapsed sending balls in every direction.

Bart and Ricky could not help but stare and didn't even notice the guard sneak up behind them.

"Trouble makers eh," said the guard.

Bart and Ricky screamed and tried to run but the guard grabbed them by the collars and glared at them.

"Where are your parents?" asked the guard.

"Shopping," Bart said simply.

"Well you're staying with me until they are done shopping capishe," said the guard.

Bart and Ricky nodded nervously and were quickly lead to the back room until Homer and Roy arrived.

Homer and Roy came in only a half an hour later looking a little peeved but not too mad.

"Make sure you watch your kids next time," said the guard as Homer and Roy escorted Bart and Ricky out of the room.

"Oh don't worry, we'll put coal in their stockings and give them a good talking to," said Homer he sounded serious but Bart knew Homer would never do that.

The guard nodded his agreement and walked away to catch a shoplifter in the sports section.

Homer and Roy both gave the boys an angry glare and at first Bart and Ricky thought they were going to be given a heavy punishment until Homer started laughing when they exited the store.

"So we're not in trouble?" asked Bart as they drove away.

"Nah, you guys were just becoming friends and got too carried away, just remember to be more careful next time, you didn't pop any of the balls and the noodles and very sturdy," said Homer.

"Wow Mr. S you made that sound so R rated," said Roy who was trying hardest not to laugh.

"Well what else can I call them but noodles and balls," said Homer.

Bart and Ricky could not help but laugh.

"Plus we are not punishing you because the guard made it sound funny, just don't do it again," said Homer.

"Yes sir," said Bart.

The rest of the ride home, Ricky questioned Bart about other fun things he had done. Bart of course gave as much detail to him as he could, from the time he tried to become a stuntman to the time he went on a squishee binge and even to the time he skateboarded naked through the town. Ricky of course wanted to learn how to do the last one but Bart quickly talked him out of it because after all it was a very humiliating dare.

* * *

A/N: Yeah I'm not fond of this chapter but whatever you got to meet Ricky and maybe later more on Sammy. And I know the Roy thing is stupid and confusing especially at the end of the episode he said he was going to move in with two sexy ladies. But hey you can pretend those two sexy ladies are his girlfriend and kid, you know how guys are sometimes. But at least I made up for it with a noodle and ball joke. Hee Hee! Any way if you have seen Christmas Vacation, you may remember the part where Clark slides down the hill with that really fast stuff he put on his sled. Well next chapter is going to be a little like that except I'm using the Springfield Gorge. Oh yeah! So see you next time. 


	5. Third Times a Charm

There was four days left till Christmas and Homer was sitting at his workstation daydreaming about Christmas coming up, and the fact that he was going on vacation for seven days. Too bad it wouldn't be a quiet time though, Marge's sisters were already getting on his nerves and Grampa was complaining about back problems.

So far though his house was attracted a lot of attention, some good and some bad. Usually when he came home he would find about ten people standing out on the sidewalk waiting for the lights to turn on just to see how bright they were. Roy would even sit out there on a lawn chair and wait for a nice suntan or Christmas light tan as the case was.

One of the more annoying problems was the electric company saying that they would charge him double for making his lights so bright, Homer only shrugged it off though, he was getting a Christmas bonus and a prize for the house so he knew everything would work out.

Then of course Ruth Powers, his other next door neighbor, complained that the lights were really hurting her eyes and when she brought one guy over one night they both kept running into each other while trying to create a romantic atmosphere. Needless to say, the blind date really was a blind date.

Ned Flanders had even added a few touches to his house just to see if he could beat Homer, but he as well worried about the electric bill and still didn't make it as bright as Homers.

This satisfied Homer though as he thought about the lovely pool he would get with all that money, what a lovely thought. Calm summer nights watching the stars in the pool by Marge. The kids doing something on boring days, how nice.

Homer was so busy daydreaming about his pool that he did not hear Lenny come in until he was standing right behind him.

"Hey Homer," said Lenny.

Homer jumped up and turned around with a surprised look on his face.

"Oops you weren't sleeping were you?" asked Lenny.

"No just thinking about my upcoming vacation and what's in store for it," said Homer with a sigh.

"Yeah today is my last day too, I don't come back until the 3rd of January," said Lenny.

Homer gave him the look of jealousy, but of course he was saving his vacation time for the summer when he would take the kids to California for a few weeks. Lenny looked at Homer sheepishly before taking a quick sip of his coffee.

"Hey you didn't happen to get your Christmas bonus in the mail yet have you?" asked Homer as he tried to break the awkward silence.

"No not yet, I hope it's big this year, I need to fix the basement," said Lenny.

"Yeah and I think a pool will be nice in our backyard," said Homer.

"Ooh can I come?" asked Lenny never afraid to ask to be invited.

"Sure, you can help me build it too," said Homer with a smirk.

Lenny looked at the floor with embarrassment. Homer always talked him into doing a crazy stunt like that, but that was what friends were for.

"Oh and tomorrow the kids and I are going sledding by Springfield Gorge, you wanna come?" asked Homer.

"Oh sure, I love watching people stop before they hit the ledge, its so heart stopping," said Lenny.

"Great!" said Homer as he decided to head back to work. Mr. Burns was getting more suspicious with what people were doing at their workstations and Homer was not in the mood to see him on his last day before Christmas.

* * *

It was late in the afternoon when Homer, the family, Lenny and Carl arrived at the gorge for some sledding fun. The kids would sled near the big ramp but not on it, many knew of how dangerous that spot was. It had snowed two nights ago and the ground was still covered in white so Homer knew this would be the perfect time to try out his new, improved sled. While the kids slid down, Homer set up a small motor in the back of the sled, humming to himself as he did so. 

"Whatcha doing Mr. S?" asked Roy after a long time of staring at Homer.

"Yeah Homer it looks like you are trying to go all Treasure Planet on us," said Lenny as he noticed how the sled looked like the space cruiser used in the movie.

"You're not thinking of escaping to another dimension are you Homer?" asked Carl.

"Nope, this gentlemen is my latest creation, the motor is run by plutonium," said Homer.

"Oh so if you go eighty-eight miles an hour you can travel into the past then," said Lenny thinking that he knew everything Homer did.

"Not even that, you guys remember a while back when I tried to skateboard over this thing?" asked Homer.

"Yeah and you broke a few bones in your body as a way of showing how dangerous it was," said Bart who was coming up the hill.

Homer glared at Bart, it wasn't a pleasant memory but it was definitely one that taught Bart a lesson especially after Homer spent two weeks in the hospital and another three months in physical therapy for a few broken bones.

"And don't forget the motorcycle, that was proof enough that we couldn't go over it," said Bart.

"You think so but I figured that when both of those instances happened, we were not really prepared, you have to have the right amount of momentum to get across," said Homer.

"Eh I dunno Homer," said Lenny

"Yeah, I think Lance Murdock tried it once too, thank God he had a parachute," said Carl.

"You don't know yet but I bet I can do it, come on," said Homer as he led them up to the top of the slide of the gorge.

The rest of the family had been watching Lisa help Sammy have a bit of fun going down the hill but when they noticed that Homer and the others were heading up to the slide they had to see what Homer was up to now. Marge was the first to reach the top and see that Homer was getting a good position for riding down and she instantly grabbed the sled.

"Homer are you trying to kill yourself again?" asked Marge in a worried tone.

"Of course not honey, now give me back my sled," said Homer sounding like a little kid.

"No! I don't want to pay any medical bills for Christmas," said Marge.

"Oh Marge you worry too much, I can do this and if I fail you can tell the doctors to leave me down there to die," said Homer with a smile acting as if this was all just a game.

Marge glared at Homer, she hated this idea and really wanted to throw the sled down herself, but knowing Homer he would probably go after it and kill himself doing that. There really was no stopping him; he would probably try it when she wasn't looking.

"Should we start thinking about epitaphs then?' asked Patty.

"Oh I have a website we can use for all that, I saw a good one about falling flat on the pavement and another one that makes him sound like he was Mufasa," said Selma.

"Heh Heh, long live the blubber-in-law," said Patty.

Marge stared at her sisters who both smiled at their little joke, they didn't care what would happen to Homer it was all just a game to them.

"I'll be in the car then," said Marge who passed the sled back to Homer.

Homer began to rev up the engine which quickly emitted some heavy white smoke and a loud grumble that caused everyone to hold their ears.

"IS THAT NORMAL MR. S?" asked Roy as he yelled over the grumbling of the engine.

"I DON'T KNOW BUT I THINK SO!" said Homer.

And before any one even noticed Homer positioned the sled and headed on down. It was much faster than anyone had thought possible as it slid down the hill at top speed. They could hear Homer yelling out about how fast it was and that he was laughing about it the whole way.

"Oh my gosh he's almost to the edge!" said Lisa as her eyes widened with worry.

"Should I start calling the ambulance?" asked Bart, Lisa only ignored him.

The sled went into position and a second later, Homer was flying in the air, over the big gorge that many were unable to jump over. Everyone held their breath as he stayed in midair for a good ten seconds. Even Marge jumped out of the car to watch as her husband jumped over.

"I think I'm going to make it!" said Homer excitedly.

Suddenly the engine stopped, everyone noticed how time seemed to slow down as Homer noticed this too. He tried to grab for the chord to rev it up again but he could not reach for it, while at the same time the sled came inches to the edge. Everyone noticed that the sled was just inches away and it was still up in the air, but for how much longer. Seconds later, the front of the sled made it to the edge but the rest of the sled tipped down to the precipice below, one false move would send him to the bottom. Homer gasped in fear.

"Uh oh looks like Homer's been eating too many pork rinds," said Bart.

Homer tried to grab for the chord once more while the whole sled began to tip over to the bottom, any second now the game would be over and every skeptical person in the group would have been right all along. He found it at just the right second and revved it up. The sled made the loudest sound any one had ever heard this time and smoke covered up the whole sled until Homer could not be seen.

Everyone stood there bracing themselves and wondering if Homer got out alive. Marge was in hysterics as she ran around in circles wondering if it would become the saddest Christmas yet. The smoke finally cleared and there was no sign of Homer except for more smoke that was heading in the other direction on the other side of the gorge, had Homer fallen off before the sled moved on or was he still on? Everyone began to wonder this.

"Uh should we follow that trail of smoke?" asked Lisa.

Homer of course did make it, the only problem now was that he could not stop the sled, it was going faster than he had ever imagine as it zoomed past trees, houses, roads and other interesting sights. Homer screamed at the top of his lungs as the sled avoided many objects in his path. And he hoped that the sled would stop at any time soon or if the family knew he was going this way.

Suddenly he found himself in front of Mr. Burns' house, the sled was heading straight toward the gates, Homer braced himself for impact as the sled rammed through the gates and up to the front door.

As he headed his way up he could hear that the engine was dying and the sled was finally slowing down, at least it was stopping in a safe place. Just as Mr. Burns and Smithers came out to see what all the commotion was about, Homer stopped right in front of the steps and looked up at Mr. Burns with a sheepish grin.

"What the devil?" asked Mr. Burns.

"Uh Merry Christmas Mr. Burns, I has a tummy ache," said Homer before fainting from what had probably been the scariest thing in his life. Smithers and Mr. Burns only stared at each other before heading back inside to watch Desperate Housewives.

* * *

The family found Homer a half an hour later after following the cloud of smoke that the sled had emitted, Marge of course was in hysterics while Bart was having a great time asking as many questions as he could about how the sled was able to work the way it had. Homer of course didn't want anything to do with it any more, it cleared the gorge and that was all that mattered at the moment and he just wanted to go home and have some beer to relax. 

That evening, Homer and the family sat down to watch _The Happy Little Elves Save Christmas; _of course not everyone was happy watching it and mostly spent the time making fun of Homer and his silly ideas. Homer tried to ignore them but they just kept looking at his direction and laughing.

By the time the show was over, Homer was feeling very grumpy and wanted to head out to Moe's for a few hours so he could be away from the family. Marge had other ideas.

"Homer can you tell Lisa she needs to go to bed," said Marge.

Homer grumbled under his breath but nodded in agreement so he could not upset Marge. "Where is she?" he asked.

"I don't know, I thought she went to the kitchen to get something to drink," said Marge.

"Nah I saw her walk downstairs with Sammy and Ricky, they wanted to sleep in the basement tonight, I can't blame them though, the RV is having trouble with the heater and I think something is wrong with the toilet it really smells in there," said Roy.

"Well I guess I will go down and tell Lisa to come up," said Homer.

Homer slowly went down to the basement listening for the kids sounds as they were getting ready for bed, he only made it halfway when he heard Lisa talk in a very heavenly voice, she was actually telling them a story that she was just finishing up on.

"That was nice," said Ricky as the story was being finished.

"Now get some sleep you two, we have another big day tomorrow," said Lisa as she tucked the two in tightly.

"Lisa?" asked Sammy.

Lisa turned to Sammy and looked at her with loving eyes; so far Lisa had grown quite attached to Roy's daughter mainly because she had a mother that didn't care for her. Lisa would hate to have that feeling.

"Do you believe in Santa Claus?" asked Sammy.

Lisa pondered the question for a moment before responding. "Do you believe in him?" she asked.

"I don't know, I've never gotten many nice presents for Christmas, usually it's just a small teddy bear or some socks," said Sammy.

"Yeah me too," said Ricky as he looked as his bed sheet and began to pick at a seam.

"Well maybe Santa didn't know what to get you for Christmas, did you ever write to him?" asked Lisa.

"I did once and mom took it, I don't even know if she mailed it," said Ricky.

Lisa stared at the two children who apparently never had a merry Christmas and she wanted to do something about that but she wasn't sure what.

"So do you believe in him?" asked Sammy after a long silence.

"Well the best answer I can give you is that seeing is believing, I can never stay awake on Christmas Eve to meet him, so I really don't know if its made up by my parents," said Lisa.

"Has Bart seen him?" asked Ricky.

"He's never told me," said Lisa.

"I got an idea, why don't we all stay up together on Christmas night and wait for him," said Sammy.

"Yeah and then we will know he is real," said Ricky.

"That sounds wonderful, now get some sleep and I will help you write letters to him tomorrow," said Lisa as she was about to walk upstairs.

Homer felt a single tear run down his face, the poor kids never had a decent Christmas, and at that moment, he knew that there had to be a way of helping them have a Christmas they would never forget.

* * *

A/N: That's it for now; the next chapter is going to be delayed for a bit because I have some finals I have to take care of and a busy weekend and Jury duty on Monday blegh, so I hope to have the next chapter up in about a week. I believe I have three or four more chapters to go before this is all done. This is probably my favorite story that I have written in a while and I think it's just because I want to keep going, the last few got harder after a few chapters. And if the plutonium does not work that way then just ignore it, it was the only idea I had. Well any way, have a nice week everyone. 


	6. Santa Homer

The day after the incident at the gorge and after Homer had heard about Roy's kids not knowing if Santa was real, Homer returned to the local Try-N-Save with Roy to pick out the best Christmas presents he could give the kids. He also needed a Santa beard to go with his old and moldy Santa costume that he had not worn for quite a while.

Together, he and Roy picked out some wonderful little toys that the kids would surely fall in love with when opening them Christmas morning and making them know that there was a Santa out there to make them happy.

Roy was too happy that Homer was helping him out, he always had a hard time picking gifts and his old girlfriend never really liked anything he chose any way so now that she was out of the way, he really did not have any second thoughts.

It was Christmas Eve and the family was settling down for a lovely feast. Selma, Marge and Patty fixed the turkey, making it as moist and as tender as they possibly could. Lisa was taught how to make mashed potatoes, while Bart and Ricky both tried to help make rolls for everyone. Homer, Roy and Grampa all sat in the living room watching the big football game while Maggie played with Santa's Little Helper on the floor. So far it was a perfect Christmas Eve.

By seven o'clock everyone was at the table, grabbing whatever they wanted and gorging on the delicious food without a sound. Sometimes Bart would show Ricky how to pass green beans to the dog who was hiding under the table waiting for a treat from Bart. Of course Santa's Little Helper would spend a few hours later that night barfing in the yard but he was still willing to eat what any one gave him.

After everyone had been eating for quite a while in silence, Homer interrupted everyone.

"Hey kids, I heard Santa just crossed the Atlantic Ocean and is headed this way very soon," said Homer with a happy glint in his eyes as he took a bite out of a drumstick.

Ricky and Sammy both looked at each other in amazement, finally this would be the year Santa Claus would visit them. Bart and Lisa both looked at Homer suspiciously wondering what Homer was going to pull now.

"So you kids be good or he won't come and give you any presents," said Roy in a very serious tone.

Ricky and Sammy both gave the look of innocence before deciding that it was a good idea to eat their green beans.

Lisa stared at Marge who had not been told of the plan, in fact no one had, only Roy and Homer, they didn't want anyone to ruin the occasion. Marge only stared at Lisa with wonder and then at Homer who gave a small grin of satisfaction and then burped from the big piece of turkey he had just eaten. Marge could sense that he was up to something but knowing Homer he would not tell so it was best to keep her business elsewhere

About a half an hour later, everyone was getting ready to clear the dishes when Homer hit the floor with his foot causing everyone to stop what they were doing and look around.

"Did you guys hear that?" asked Homer.

Everyone waited for the noise to sound again, Homer hit the floor again under the table causing the kids to jump up and look very startled.

"Hmmm, I'm gonna go outside and see what that commotion is, I'll be right back," said Homer who then got up and walked out the front door. Everyone stood there waiting for Homer to return. Roy stayed by the sink cleaning his dishes and waiting for the knock. About ten minutes later, there was a knock on the door and Roy ran over.

He opened the door and feigned the expression of surprise as Homer dressed in full Santa garb stood at the front door.

"Kids Santa has come to visit," said Roy.

Ricky, Sammy and Maggie all ran toward the door, of course Maggie kept falling flat on her face but she would get right back up as fast as she could to meet him. Only Bart and Lisa stayed back wondering about these strange turn of events.

"My elves have been telling me that you three have been very good kids this year," said Homer in a deep voice.

"I know I tried," said Ricky.

"I was very good this year Santa," said Sammy.

Maggie only sucked on her pacifier as she held up her hands for a free toy. From the entrance of the kitchen the family watched in wonder as Homer started handing presents out to the kids in such a loving and caring way.

"Bart, Lisa, why don't you two go over, maybe he has something for you," said Marge.

Bart only rolled his eyes but humored his mom and joined the kids in getting the present he had hoped for for this year. Lisa went along with it as well but really wanted to watch the kids have a grand time with the very person they had wondered if he was real.

"So Bart what would you like for Christmas?" asked Homer as he dug through his small duffle bag.

"One of those guns that shoot those foam balls as far as fifty feet away," Bart said excitedly.

"You want one of those, but you'll shoot your eye out," said Homer.

"You're thinking of a BB gun Santa," said Bart.

"Oh am I, well maybe next year then," said Homer.

Bart grumbled under his breath and kicked at the floor with his toes while Ricky decided to have some fun and dig around the sack for something else that had his name on it, so far he had gotten an action figure and Sammy had gotten a Malibu Stacy doll, something she had wanted for a very long time.

"Now hold on a second son, you never really told me what you wanted?" asked Homer.

Ricky turned to Sammy as both nodded in agreement to what they had been wanting for Christmas since they were very small.

"To be honest Santa, the biggest thing we want is to have a family to share the season with, like the Simpson's," said Ricky as he nodded his head toward Marge and the rest of the family.

"Yeah, our Mommy is too grumpy and Daddy can never make her happy, we've never really had a Christmas," said Sammy as she held her Malibu Stacy doll tightly.

"So if you can, please let Mommy show some excitement and show Daddy how to make her happy and take care of us," said Ricky.

Homer stood there for the longest time listening to the children pour their hearts out with what they really wanted, it was something he was not expecting and neither was Roy who was now crying on Marge's shoulder. Marge was trying her hardest to keep herself from crying. Lisa looked at Bart whose eyes were getting all misty causing Lisa to give Bart the biggest hug she could while she cried on his shoulder.

"Well perhaps one day it will happen, I know it's tough now, but things will get better, you'll see," said Homer trying his best to remain cheerful.

Sammy looked down at her doll then up at Homer before jumping up and giving him the biggest hug her three year old body could muster. Ricky watched for a few moments before finally doing the same.

After a long moment of big hugs, Homer set them down and put the remaining presents under the tree.

"Well kids, I have to go, other kids need presents too," said Homer as he put the sack back over his shoulder.

"Bye Santa, I'll see you next year," said Sammy as she waved up and down.

Homer smiled and was just about to open up the door when Milhouse busted through the front door looking very excited. Homer was so startled that he fell backward running straight into the huge tree that Marge had cautioned before saying that it was too big. The tree then wobbled a few seconds before finally crashing to the ground sending ornaments in all directions. Before anyone knew it, the tip of the tree connected with an electrical outlet, setting it ablaze. It had no chance as the entire tree went up in flames and came out of it looking like Charlie Brown's Christmas tree.

Homer was dancing around trying to get his beard, which caught on fire from spreading to his face. The only thing he could do was throw it off and stomp heavily on it before it burned the whole house down.

Once the beard was nothing but a pile of ashes, Homer looked up at all the surprised faces.

"Oh dear I did something wrong didn't I," said Milhouse who was now hiding behind Bart.

Bart looked at Milhouse with an angry stare, Milhouse should have knocked first but of course he was just too excited to show Bart something.

"So there's no such thing as Santa?" asked Sammy, tears were coming out of her eyes.

"There is kid, Homer just wanted you to meet him since he is so busy flying all over the place but as you can see, he can't even succeed in doing that. Even worse he burned down the tree that he said was the most perfect one in the world, and I say good riddance, it was ugly and superfluous," said Selma in what sounded to Homer like a snake ready to strike its prey.

"Oh shut up you old hag!" said Homer in the most angry voice he could muster.

Selma was quickly taken aback by her brother-in-laws response and kept her mouth shut.

"I'm going to Moe's," said Homer.

"Not tonight Homer, remember Moe is usually spending his evening contemplating suicide," said Marge.

Homer said nothing and instead ran outside and slammed the door, if he was not going to Moe's, at least he would stay outside in the cold away from his rotten family and that no good kid who didn't bother to knock.

Homer stood on the lawn, looking up at the sky while the snow fell around him, this was probably the most annoying Christmas he ever had and the saddest. Those poor kids, he tried to help them but failed and now everyone was probably inside making fun of him and explaining to the kids how Santa really works.

"Homer?" Marge called from the front door.

Homer turned to Marge and looked sadly down at her feet; he didn't want to stare into her eyes.

"I think you did beautifully, and I told Milhouse to knock next time," said Marge.

"Did you also tell your sisters that they should rot in hell?" asked Homer as he sat down on the step.

"I wish I could Homie, but I love them too much, they just don't know how to show it in front of others," said Marge.

"I just wanted to make those kids happy, you heard what they said, poor Roy he tries so hard to make that girl of his happy," said Homer.

"I know but you know some people really aren't like us," said Marge as she kissed Homer on the cheek. Homer's face went red.

Suddenly a car drove slowly toward the house and stopped in front of the sidewalk. A young man wearing a Santa hat and a Christmas wreath around his neck came toward Homer and Marge looking a little nervous.

"Hello Mr. Simpson, I forgot to give this to you two days ago, it was wedged in the seat cover and didn't see it until this afternoon," said the boy as he produced an envelope from his sweater pocket.

Homer took the envelope and read who it was from. Marge read it too until both of each other looked up with a happy smile.

"The bonus!" said Homer who then turned to the door and burst back into the house with Marge behind him.

"Merry Christmas I guess," said the kid as the door shut behind him.

Homer waved the envelope in the air sending everyone over to the front door wondering what Homer was excited about especially after the incident.

"What is it son?" asked Grampa.

"My Christmas bonus," said Homer with a huge grin.

"Oh is what is going to help us get a pool like you told us?" asked Lisa.

"Indeed it is, and when I win the Christmas lights contest I can combine the money and make a pool so deep, you can't touch the bottom," said Homer.

"Can we come when it's done?" asked Ricky.

"Of course kids, in fact, everyone is invited to the first pool party when it is finished," said Homer.

Everyone cheered as Homer opened up the letter to reveal what his big Christmas bonus this year would be.

* * *

A/N: Eh it's nice to stop here for now, you'll find out what it is in the next chapter. Two more chapters to go and I will be done. I also apologize for the sappiness of this chapter, especially if it got a little out of hand. I hope to have the next chapter up this weekend and the last one a few days after Christmas so watch out for it. Also you probably did not notice but the last chapter made this story come out to an even 12,000 words. You never see that very often. And the movie came out today, mom bought it but I'm gonna wait until Christmas to open it up, but to those who could not wait, enjoy I am slightly jelous of you. Any way to whoever else is reading this besides bdlywrttn I will see you all later. 


	7. All I want For Christmas

Homer opened up the envelope slowly so he would not ruin the sweet insides that he had been hoping for for nearly a month. Last year he remembered that he got five percent extra, not a lot but it was still nice to have some extra money in the pocket. Last year Mr. Burns even said that he would raise it every year. Of course he may have also been a little high on the ether that day.

Homer pulled the piece of paper out and stared at the surprise written on it, he did not say a word, he only stared at it.

"So is it bigger than you thought?" asked Marge.

Homer only shook his head while he continued to stare at the paper giving it an angry glare.

"Well what is it Mr. S?" asked Roy.

"It's a one hundred dollar gift certificate to the Rejuvenating Clinic, good for two massages, mud baths, botox injections, and pedicures," said Homer.

Marge gave a very relaxed look at the thought of going to a massage parlor but Homer would not take his eyes away from the gift certificate. He had massages before but it was something he just did not care about at the moment. He wanted to make his whole family happy, not just him and Marge.

"Well Marge, there's another reason why your husband never works hard enough, he doesn't even get a decent enough raise," said Patty.

"Let alone a nice enough clinic, I've been to better," said Selma.

Homer turned around and faced Patty and Selma, giving them the iciest look anyone could ever muster. At that moment, he wanted to kick those two evil twins out and hope that they would freeze to death out on the lawn.

"Must you always make a commentary about everything; can't you accept that I try to make my family happy? Or are you both just jealous that I even have one and that you guys don't because you are both ugly?" asked Homer.

Selma and Patty went wide eyed, unsure of how to take Homer's reaction to their heckling.

Homer then ran into the kitchen and quickly grabbed a beer that he chugged down in a matter of seconds before turning back to his family who were all looking very worriedly at him.

"So if any of you guys have last minute Christmas ideas for me, well here's a nice one, Mr. Burns all wrapped up in a nice package with a nice big red ribbon on his head. That way I can hang the ribbon on a hook and beat the crap out of his four hundred year old hide," said Homer who was now looking extremely angry.

"Now son, Mr. Burns was probably thinking that it was a very nice bonus, he probably thinks everyone is rich," said Grampa who quickly realized that he should have said nothing.

"You think so Dad? Well you've never worked for him; I've never gotten any respect because I've caused a few meltdowns. I've never gotten any respect because I've never been promoted. I've never gotten any respect because everyone likes Lenny and Carl more. You see, everyone gets crap thrown at them, I'm one of the only ones who have to deal with the whole pile of it," said Homer.

"Homer please," said Marge trying to calm his anger down.

"And of course when I try to work hard, I come home to these two witches who act as if I have no feelings," said Homer as he stared at Patty and Selma that was so angry looking he could have bored a hole through their skull. "Well guess what sisters, I have feelings and they do get hurt, sure I may act like I don't care but that's because muting you two out is the best solution. And if you want a brother-in-law with no feelings I suggest you two move to Rhode Island, there's a nice fat guy there that I bet would love to meet you two."

Jabba the Hutt lives in Rhode Island?" asked Bart.

"Shut up you little smart ass," said Homer

Bart backed away with the kids who were all hiding behind the couch, hoping that Homer would not snap even further and do some real damage. Homer was rarely like this and they never liked it when he did start yelling.

"Homer stop, you're scaring the kids," said Marge.

"But I wanted to give you a nice Christmas," said Homer.

"And you did, you gave Roy's kids a Christmas to remember and you put up some beautiful lights, not many people can accomplish that," said Marge.

"But why does everyone in the family have to ridicule me about it as if everything I do is the worst thing in the world?" asked Homer who was now looking very upset and depressed.

"Because its fun," said Patty.

"Yeah life would be so boring if we didn't make fun of you," said Selma.

"That's what families do Homie, they have fun. And I don't care if we don't get a pool, we probably don't have a big enough yard," said Marge.

Homer looked down at the floor. So much had gone on in two weeks that it had been overwhelming to him. The family was all over the place, Roy was here with his kids, and his hopes were too high for what he wanted. He had sort of forgotten that Christmas was the time of year when things were crazier than normal.

"I guess you're right, I got so caught up in things that I was only worrying about what I wanted," said Homer.

"Its okay sweetheart, I forgive you any way, plus I really should have warned you in advance about my sisters," said Marge.

"You should have warned us as well mom, I didn't even know I had to share my room with Lisa until that evening," said Bart.

"Yeah and Bart snores," said Lisa.

"Well you talk in your sleep," said Bart.

"At least I don't sound like a motor boat going off in the middle of the night," said Lisa.

"At least I don't talk about how hot Colin is in my sleep," said Bart.

Their bickering of course caused Maggie to hold her ears while she grabbed two pacifiers and put one in each of their mouths. That quickly shut both of them up. Milhouse, who had been quiet the whole time only laughed before getting his mouth shut by a pacifier of his own.

"You know Homie, since it is Christmas Eve, I think it's a good time to read The Night Before Christmas, I don't even think Sammy or Ricky have heard it. Plus it will calm all of us down," said Marge.

Homer turned to the kids who both nodded at the fact that they had never heard the story, it was a shame really. Homer looked around for Roy to respond but he was nowhere to be seen.

"Where is your Dad any way?" asked Homer.

Both the kids shrugged, Roy must have snuck out to get something out of the RV, no matter though, he would be back shortly.

"Well let's all sit down and listen to the tale," said Homer who planted himself on the chair while everyone gathered around him.

Everyone listened intently as Homer told the Night Before Christmas, everyone was enjoying it too until halfway when Homer noticed something going on outside. It was Roy and he was dragging something behind him.

"What in the world does Roy have with him?" asked Homer as Roy got closer to the front door.

Marge ran over to open it and Roy stepped in with none other than Mr. Burns wrapped up in paper and topped off with a nice big red bow that Homer had wanted only an hour before.

"Merry Christmas Mr. S, glad you told me what you wanted, I was all out of ideas," said Roy with a huge grin.

Homer walked forward unsure of how to deal with this mess he stared. Mr. Burns looked at him angrily, and knowing Mr. Burns, he was probably going to fire Homer any second.

"What is the meaning of this?" asked Mr. Burns as he tried to shuffle his way out of the wrapping.

Homer quickly went over to unwrap him and all the while, Mr. Burns jabbered on about how he had been mistreated.

"We're sorry Mr. Burns, there was a little misunderstanding," said Marge.

"Oh really?" asked Mr. Burns who everyone could tell was not buying what Marge wanted to say.

"It's my fault sir, I got upset when I saw the Christmas bonus this year," said Homer nervously.

"Ah you mean the Rejuvenating Clinic gift certificate, such a nice place," said Mr. Burns.

"Yeah to you it is, but I was expecting the Christmas bonus like last year, I bet everyone at work was, and you crashed our hopes," said Homer.

"And that's why you kidnapped me, to tell me what a cheapskate I am? I thought this would be more fun for everyone. Plus last years Christmas Bonus was after I was high off too much ether." said Mr. Burns.

"Not when we have to pay off our mortgage, buy food, or even buy a new car, we are not rich like you Mr. Burns. And at least I'm not as angry as I was or you would be in serious trouble," said Homer who tried his hardest to look angry in front of his boss without making Mr. Burns angry.

Mr. Burns only glared at Homer. Yes he was the richest man in town, and yes he could share his wealth with his employees but he wasn't like that. The money he had was his and that was that.

"Mr. Burns can't you see that I have a family to look out for and to provide, now I think the bonus is a lovely gift but for the children, well I think they are just too young and its only good for two people," said Homer.

Mr. Burns turned to the kids who were sitting on the couch looking at pathetic as they could be for the old man who never showed any heart. For a moment, Mr. Burns' heart melted before realizing that he should not sink too low.

"Well since you went all out to kidnap me and tell me what a lousy cheapskate I am, I don't see why I can't give you a small bonus this year," said Mr. Burns.

"How about everyone at the plant?" asked Homer.

"Fine then, everyone since they were all waiting for it too. But since its going to be everyone, the bonus will be ten percent, no more no less and don't try to ask me for more because it won't work," said Mr. Burns.

Homer stared at Mr. Burns, sure he was a cheapskate but at least he gave him a bonus rather than calling the cops on him. Marge of course was more than thrilled and gave Homer a big wet kiss on the lips while all the kids danced with glee at the fact that Mr. Burns had been talked into something. Mr. Burns only watched wondering how in the world he was going to get home.

* * *

Back at Burns' Manor, Smithers was pacing frantically about the living room, phone to his ear. He had last seen Burns sitting there on the sofa while he had gotten up to make a dodo egg for the old man.

"Yes I think he was taken, there seemed to be a struggle in the hallway and RV tracks leading out of the Mansion," said Smithers.

Smithers played with the phone chord while he listened to Chief Wiggum's response, the clumsy chief was promising to find him though how long it would take he had no idea.

"Thank you officer, I will be waiting for you by the front door," said Smithers.

Smithers nervously hung up the phone and ran over to get his coat and shoes. This was not a night he wanted to have.

"Mark my words Mr. Burns, if they have hurt you, there will be hell to pay," said Smithers.

* * *

Back at the house, Mr. Burns was trying to make arrangements on how to get home.

"Is there any way one of you persons could bring me home, I know Smithers is probably going crazy like a puppy right about now," said Burns.

"Do you want us to call him and tell him you are coming back?" asked Marge.

"Oh no, he is probably still trying to boil that egg, maybe that RV could give me an adequate ride home," said Burns.

"Sure Mr. B, I just need to find where I put my keys," said Roy as he patted his coat for any sign of his RV keys.

Suddenly glass around the window shattered as a police SWAT officer jumped through the window. And right behind him the door fell forward as ten more SWAT officers burst into the living room.

* * *

A/N: Yay new chapter is finished, hope you all liked that. I have one more chapter to go before it is all finished. I will not update again until a few days after Christmas so Merry Christmas guys, I hope you all have a wonderful day. 


	8. Christmas Surprises

Everyone ducked in cover as glass, debris and other random objects came flying into the living room. All except for Homer who hid behind Mr. Burns, Burns himself only stood there gawking at how fast the SWAT team had come to rescue him, no doubt from Smithers.

"Alright I want everyone to freeze!" yelled Clancy Wiggum as he entered the room, gun pointed all around at everyone.

"There's been a mistake sir," said Homer as he moved away from Burns.

"Come one step closer and I will shoot," said Wiggum as he nervously shook the gun at Homer.

Homer stood still, not wanting to loose his life on the most important family day of the year. He decided to wait for Burns to make his move which he did a second later walking in front of Homer.

"It's okay boys, it was just a misunderstanding," said Burns.

"Oh really, how do we know you're not being forced to say that?" asked Wiggum.

"Because I would probably be tied up, can't you see that I can move around and slap this guy if I want to," said Burns as he slapped Homer in the face. His voice also told everyone that he really didn't want to deal with this problem any more and wanted to go home.

Before Wiggum could respond, Smithers burst through the door looking very worried before seeing Burns standing there with Wiggum and Homer. He raced over to hug him.

"Oh Mr. Burns I thought someone had killed you and used your skin for warmth," said Smithers as he grabbed Burns making Burns quite uncomfortable.

"It's okay Smithers, this family only captured me because I didn't give them their Christmas bonus this year, well I did but it wasn't good enough for them," said Burns with a sneer.

"You mean I'm the only one who got the bonus?" asked Smithers.

"Yes and I gave everyone else one hundred dollars at a massage clinic," said Burns.

"A massage clinic, no wonder Simpson kidnapped you, I would have done so as well if I got a bonus like that," said Wiggum.

"Yeah that is pretty low," said Lou.

"Cheep bastard," Eddie whispered.

"But I changed it after Simpson told me, I gave him ten percent," said Burns.

All the police rolled their eyes, even they got bigger bonus's than that around this time of year, but they kept their mouths shut. Burns could try to buy them out. Even Smithers groaned under his breath, he had gotten a twenty-five percent bonus but only because he was Burn's assistant, there should have been more though especially with all the random jobs he had to do.

"So there is no need to arrest these guys, problem is solved," said Burns.

"Alright then, move out boys," said Wiggum as the SWAT team filed out of the house. "And sorry about your windows Simpson, we'll get them fixed after Christmas," said Wiggum before walking out of what was left of the entrance.

Homer turned to Burns with a nervous grin while Burns only sneered at him.

"That ought to teach you to kidnap someone, I have some plans for you as well when you come back into work, so Merry Christmas," said Burns who was then lead by Smithers to his car outside.

Homer, Marge, Roy, and the kids all watched them leave with great resentment, they all knew of Burn's ways when someone messed up and Homer was already dreading it.

"At least Burns was understanding, though I really don't want to know what his plans are for you though," said Marge.

"Probably a depromotion," said Patty.

"But I've never been promoted," said Homer worriedly and hoping it was nothing like the incident where he had to do undignified chores for Burns.

"Well whatever it is, I'll be with you when it happens, since I will try to work there with you," said Roy.

Everyone nodded and watched as all the cars drove off the lawn and toward a new adventure in the city. All except one lonely car that was now parking itself on the curb, and a gentleman probably a little younger than Homer stepped out.

"Are you Homer Simpson?" asked the man.

Homer stepped forward looking as brave as possible after the incident, what could happen now was anyone's guess. Of course the man only ignored Homer looking like he was about to lift some dumbbells and moved forward.

"And do you know where a Mr. Ned Flanders resides?" asked the man.

"Yeah he's my next door neighbor," said Homer as he pointed at Flanders house.

"Come with me please," said the man.

Homer followed the strange man toward Flanders house while everyone else watched from the open doorway wondering what was going on.

The man knocked on Ned's door until Ned opened it up to greet them.

"Hello stranger, are you in need of a place to sleep tonight?" asked Flanders in his usual cheerful attitude.

"Uh no sir, my name is David Riley and I am here to award you both for the Christmas light contest," he said.

Homer's eyes lit up while Ned only smiled knowing full well who the winner was this year. He had tried to beat Homer but he couldn't top his decorations off, and second place wasn't so bad.

"So which one of us gets first place?" asked Homer as he put his arm around Ned's and leaned up against him with a silly grin. Ned tried to grin as well but Homer's weight was making him fall a little.

"Actually it was a very close race, this is why I am so late coming over here, we all spent a few hours decided who should get the award and we all decided that both of you should win second place," said Dave.

Both Homer and Ned's jaw dropped, second place! How could that be?

"Wait so you are saying that someone did a better and more elaborate job than I did?" asked Homer still completely baffled.

"Yes sir, he is just down a few blocks, would you like to take a drive a see what he has done?" asked Dave.

Homer looked at Flanders who only shrugged, why not? It was only going to be a few minutes. They both quickly got into David's car and watched as he drove toward the block where the first place winner was.

At first, Homer did not believe it, he had passed the house before, usually when he was forced to walk the dog and he never realized that who lived there had such an imagination, let alone any style. It was nervous old Gil's house and when they moved forward the lights were twinkling all around the house and on a stand that made as if there was a Christmas tree right there on the lawn.

David pulled the window down and both Homer and Flanders were bombarded by the instrumental sounds of Christmas music and the lights were flickering to the sounds. It was truly amazing. It wasn't as bright as Homer's though which explained the fact as to why he had not seen it until now.

"So lonely old Gil did this huh?" asked Flanders.

"Yeah I guess that's what happens when you are lonely," said Homer.

It didn't take long either for Gil to come outside and wave at both of them with a sheepish grin, he had not expected this and a few times he had stared at Homer's house with much jealousy.

"So what do you boys think of my shindig, pretty nice eh?" asked Gil as he walked toward the two neighbors.

"It's great Gil, we didn't know you had an imagination like that," said Ned.

"Oh it comes and goes you know, I thought why not try it out and see if I can at least get third place, but first place, my goodness," said Gil.

"Congrats Gil," said Homer dejectedly.

"Well Gil its best I take these two home, use the money wisely and enjoy your trip," said Dave.

"Thank you sir and Merry Christmas," said Gil as he waved while the window of the car went back up and the car began to roll back to Homer and Ned's neighborhood. When David reached the curb he quickly put the car in park and turned to the two rival neighbors.

"Now this is the check for the money, and this is the information about the trip to London. It's up to you two as to which one gets which, I will not be a part of this," said David as he held out the two winning prizes for the contest.

"Yoink!" said Homer as he grabbed the money and quickly jumped out of the car.

Homer ran toward the front door, ready to show his family the one thousand dollars he received for his lights. It was definitely an exciting moment until guilt suddenly attacked him at full force causing him to stop halfway and turn around to find Ned. He was still getting out of the car, looking forlorn and upset.

Homer looked down at the check, it was one thousand dollars, the best thing he had received that night yet his conscience was telling him otherwise. Poor Ned, a single father taking care of two kids. Extra money was probably the best thing they needed to support each other. Finally as if Ned had a magnetic pull on him, Homer walked over.

"You know Ned, I was thinking, you worked as hard as I did on those lights and we both got kind of screwed over so I was thinking, why not split this money fifty-fifty?" Homer said as he passed the check over to Ned.

Ned looked down at it and gave a small grin. "I like that," he said.

"It is Christmas too, tis the season for giving," said Homer.

"And it also says the trip is for six people, not just two or four," said Ned as he looked at the brochure.

Homer took the brochure out of Ned's hand and read it, he quickly noticed something. "Hey this isn't a trip to London, England. It's a trip to London, Kentucky," said Homer.

"Well I never, what a way to trick you," said Ned.

"I wonder if we can cash it in?" asked Homer.

"Or at least give it to someone who wants to go to Kentucky," said Ned.

Homer thought for a moment, it would probably be nice to send his sisters-in-law there but of course they would probably return with hundreds of annoying slide shows. But also Lisa liked horses and there were hundreds of them in that state, perhaps he could take her along with Marge, Bart, Maggie and Ned. But was Maggie counted on this thing, he really didn't know now that he remembered Rod and Todd.

"Perhaps we could save it for an emergency," said Ned.

"Sure why not," said Homer.

Ned held out his hand as a way of signing a truce with Homer. Homer instantly put out his hand and both men shared a small renewed friendship that would no doubt last less than a month.

"Merry Christmas Flanders," said Homer.

"Merry Christmas Homer," said Ned.

And with that both men parted ways and went back to their homes to enjoy a nice calm Christmas Eve evening. Well at least Flanders was any way. As Homer was just about to walk back into the house, the sound of an old taxi's engine turned around the corner and stopped on the curb.

"_Oh great what now?" _Homer thought as if there weren't more problems for the evening.

Homer watched as a young lady stepped out of the taxi, wrapped up in sweaters to keep warm and looking quite exhausted. Her blond hair looked quite scraggily and her face shown the worn down sadness that Homer had seen many times before when Marge was upset over something. He hoped though that she had a good reason for being here and if not he would send her to Flanders.

"Are you the Mr. S my boyfriend keeps telling me about?" she asked in a nervous yet very soft voice.

"Uh….yeah?" said Homer looking confused.

"Is Roy and my kids still here?" she asked.

"Yeah I think they are just getting settled for bed," said Homer.

"Do you mind if I come in?" she asked with fawn like eyes.

Homer stared at her for a moment, realizing that this young lady wanted Roy back very badly. She must have missed them dearly.

"Sure thing, come on in," said Homer as he opened the door and waved her in before him.

For a moment there was a long silence as Roy saw his girlfriend enter the room. The kids both sat there and stared not sure what to make of their mother returning to them or if she would show any love or affection.

"Amber?" asked Roy as he stood up and walked over to her.

Amber as her name turned out to be, moved forward and embraced Roy with the biggest hug she could muster. "I'm so sorry Roy," she said.

"It's alright," said Roy comfortingly as he hugged her back.

"I just had a bad day and needed some time alone, I thought you would come back but I guess I was too angry with you to think that. And then I was just sitting at home tonight all alone on Christmas Eve and I realized how important you were in my life and my two kids," said Amber as she turned to Ricky and Sammy who were both smiling tears of joy.

Amber then motioned for the kids to join them as the small family was finally back together on the most important night of the year. Homer turned to Marge who smiled at kissed him on the cheek.

"I bet this was a very unexpected Christmas for you huh?" asked Marge.

"Yeah, but it makes for great stories," said Homer.

"That it does Homey," said Marge.

Both husband and wife stood there by the burnt out tree, Homer still clad in his Santa outfit while the kids watched as a family were finally becoming the family they wanted to be. Patty and Selma both tried to hide their emotions but ended up crying on Gramma Bovier's shoulders. Grampa Simpson couldn't care less but that was all because he was sound asleep on the sofa oblivious to everything around him.

"You know Marge, with all this craziness maybe we should skip Christmas next year," said Homer with a grin.

"You would have some very disappointed kids if that happened Homer," said Marge.

Homer merely shrugged; maybe when they were in college he could try it. Christmas is one hell of a ride, why not skip those lines and go a different route once, try something new that makes others wonder why the hell would you do that? Because it's different, and that's an idea that Homer liked.

**The End**

* * *

A/N: And so I finished this story in one month, a feet I had never done before and I hope to never do again because truthfully it was really rushed. Yeah the ending kind of sucks but that's the only thing I could think of especially after reading _Skipping Christmas_ by John Grisham, great movie too by the way. Well now that Homer's Christmas Vacation is over, its time for my vacation. I'm going to Florida baby; I might come back to this area someday if I can think of another story to right maybe a simpsonized version of a Christmas Carol or something with Sideshow Bob. I may never know. I'll be at The Lion King section if you need me beginning in late January. So to those who read this, please review, don't be shy I don't bite unless you bite then I bite back.

Well Happy New Year, don't drink and drive.


End file.
